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Director Michael Moore's full length motion picture Fahrenheit 9/11 is an all out attack on President George W. Bush's administration, and is continuing to rake in millions of box office dollars.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

By Ralf Seiffe

Michael Moore’s successful Fahrenheit 9/11 agitates many conservatives who believe it is sloppy propaganda and prima facie evidence that Moore is allergic to fact-checking. Nevertheless, the film frustrates conservatives because they know it is persuading moderates despite its mendaciousness. Some on the right have wasted lots of ergs trying to stop the film but that’s un-American. Rather than curse Moore, perhaps it’s time to emulate his techniques for our own benefit.

This is not as crazy as it sounds. Moore’s opera of movies, TV shows and books contains several films that have been effective. The one to purloin is not Fahrenheit 9/11--- it has more in common with Leni Riefenstahl’s Triumph of the Will, than with any cinematic triumph---but, instead, we should look to 1989's Roger & Me.

Moore’s first film introduced his peculiar view of America by surveying the decay of Flint, Michigan. His premise was that the town’s plight was the fault of General Motors because the world’s largest company had closed some assembly plants there. Moore’s genius was to anthropomorphize the corporation into Roger Smith, then the company’s chairman. By attempting ambush interviews, Moore effectively portrayed Smith as incompetent and uncaring and, by extension, indicted all of General Motors.

Why not use the same technique to do a sequel, this time about Social Security? Just like Moore used the chairman to show the corporation’s ineptitude, why not use politicians to personalize the government’s management of Social Security in ways the private sector specifically defines as larceny?

Like any Hollywood sequel, we must promise more action, more evil and more meaning than the original. For it to catch the public’s attention, we will need a catchy title, an interviewer who can get to the targets, and, of course, targets to ambush.

For a working title, how about "Dude, Where’s My Trust Fund?” -- we can always change it later. Several intellectually honest critics of the Social Security System may be available to reprise Moore’s role as the interviewer. Perhaps Jack Kemp or Pete Dupont would serve, if only because they appear fit enough to actually catch their quarries.

After casting the interviewer, it’s time to create scenes that illustrate Social Security’s financial decay. Scenes should show how Democrats, the system’s supposed guardians, have systematically abused it. Then, build to a visual climax.

Here are my suggestions:

Title Sequence: A montage of famous Democrat politicians, advertisements and news reports accusing the Republicans of sabotaging Social Security.

Scene One: A kid’s first paycheck. In this scene, we spotlight a teen-aged hamburger flipper opening his first paycheck. We know the kid has figured that his 32 hours of minimum wage work will yield him $164.80 so imagine the pathos we can generate when the kid finds out he only gets $144.93! The interviewer tries to explain FICA, confusing the poor lad who finally asks “Do I have to pay this?”

Splice FDR assuring the nation that Social Security would be voluntary. Then, fade to the interviewer chasing Congressman Danny Davis asking why they can opt out of Social Security but the hamburger flipper can’t.

Scene Two: A Retiree at an H&R Block office on Cicero Avenue. Here, the very severe tax preparer explains that 85% of the Social Security Annuity is in fact taxable. The flummoxed oldster eyes say pure terror as he realizes he’s already spent the money.

Splice the C-SPAN tape of Al Gore as Vice President, breaking the tie to impose taxes on Social Security payments for the first time. Then, fade to the interviewer lurking out side Al’s psychiatrist’s office--- the chase will be pure silver screen magic!

Act Three: Why Work? Follow a group of illegal aliens to the Social Security office. There, they file for and receive benefits. Splice Democrat politicians railing against “waste, fraud and abuse”.

Then, fade to the interviewer in Plains, Georgia. He’s there to ask Jimmy Carter why, as president, he permitted such dilution of the system. Remembering Moore’s techniques, juxtapose the scene to suggest---but not actually say---that Carter approved this change to personally gain from the Hispanic vote.

Plan this while Carter is abroad on a privately-conceived diplomatic mission so he will be unable to defend himself. This will put Carter in the same category as Roger Smith.

The Climax: Accounting Scandal! A middle-aged woman opens the mail to find one of those misleading letters from the Social Security Administration designed to look like a statement of account.

Splice footage of accounting cheats like the Enron, Tyco and Adelphia execs making their “perp walks”. Then, fade to Capital Hill to ambush interview Robert Byrd, the only obvious, surviving senator from Lyndon Johnson’s era. Ask him why he voted to commingle Social Security Trust Funds with the government’s operating funds. Find out if the IOU’s Congress issued to the Social Security Administration are “off balance sheet financing."

As the scene ends, the interviewer is knocking on doors at the Treasury Department, attempting to find where the woman’s money is kept.

Fade to black. No, strike that, fade to red, ending credits which announce the October 2006 premiere of the franchise’s next installment-- Teddy & Me.

And, if we can’t get financing for a feature-length movie, maybe we can use this script for a series of TV commercials for release early this fall.

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Ralf Seiffe advises business start-ups and product launches from Chicago, Illinois and is a political analyst and columnist for the Illinois Leader.