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Ralf
Seiffe advises business start-ups and product launches from Chicago and
is a political analyst and columnist for the Illinois Leader and
Illinois Review.
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SEIFFE: What the
Governor Missed
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
By Ralf Seiffe
Today’s State of
the State message from Governor Blagojevich was so inspiring that it
completely changed my mind about the condition in which Illinois finds
itself. For the last several
years, I have been under the impression, mistakenly from the Governor’s
words, that there was a jobs problem in
Illinois
. Now I know better; I’ve
learned from today’s oration that
Illinois
leads 44 other states in job creation. I
guess when calculating the
Illinois
’ rate of 2005 jobs growth, dividing by zero helps.
I used to think that
Illinois
was spending more than it was taking in.
Not so, I find out; the governor has changed a $5 Billion deficit
into a balanced budget with no new taxes!
I guess fees must be voluntary in Rod’s world.
Ever the
environmentalist, I was also happy to learn that the governor is willing to
give me a $500 tax credit for buying a vehicle that uses E85 fuel.
Great! My new Tahoe, a
grossly inflated station wagon that exists only because real
environmentalists insisted on Federal CAFÉ standards, qualifies for this
new tax distortion.
In fact, the
governor based lots of his speech on his estimate of the failures of the
national---that is, Republican---government.
Gun control, VetCare and Mercury emissions are just three.
This remarkable
positioning the state’s accomplishments combined with blaming
Washington for
forcing him to take his own initiatives, made the speech a model of
self-control and personal modesty. Were
he to retire today, his legacy would be complete.
Just listening to
the governor’s stunning objectivity and splendid humility indicates he
must have dropped some of the more adventurous and imaginative proposals he
could have made. I believe he
did so to avoid the certain accolades that would have exploded from tomorrow’s
front pages. Regardless of the
governor’s temperance, the people of
Illinois
deserve his best counsel. So
with respect to his theme of “blame
Washington
”, I quote what the governor might have said:
“For too long, Washington
has only half-heartedly paid attention to the rampant public
corruption in our state. We’ve
relied on the feds to start the investigations, interview the mayors and
eventually bring the charges. But
they have no real interest in the bribery and corruption laws the General
Assembly has, in its wisdom, passed to protect Illinois families.
While rich businessmen are practiced in how to get a government
worker’s attention, how can the average
Illinois
worker expect to get the government’s honest services when the
wealthy simply outbid them?”
“That’s why I am
proposing that
Illinois
take the lead among the states in indicting our own crooked politicians!
Why should we wait until the Statute of Limitations almost runs out?
Do you know that’s longer than my term?
No longer should we have to wait for the feds to indict city workers
selling heroin or hiring non-existent trucks for Mail Fraud!
Who can explain Mail Fraud anyway?
I challenge the Attorney General to bring 50,000 new indictments this
year and show the rest of the states, and even Elliot Sptizer, that Illinois
takes a back seat to no one!”
(Pause for applause)
“Many of you know
that
Washington
has stopped funding profitable, class-action lawsuits by closing the federal
courts to cases that earned big money just a year ago.
Lawsuits are an important industry in
Illinois, employing thousands of lawyers who earned good wages and had
company-paid health insurance. This is
especially true downstate and I want all of you in places like
East St. Louis
and Madison
County
to know help is coming. While
Washington
might think turning the screws on tort reform is a good idea, let’s show
them Illinois
knows better. Let’s
stop rising unemployment among trial lawyers by funding a state sponsored
retraining program to teach criminal law!
That way we can solve lawyer unemployment by having these new
trainees represent that flood of new indictees my friend Lisa Madigan will
find!”
(Pause for applause)
“Finally, We need
to level the playing field among politicians.
For too long, most of us have focused on
Chicago
and
Cook
County
and forget that there are thousands of other pols in
Illinois
. These folks, as forgotten as
they might be, are just as deserving. Why
should the rest of the state’s public servants be content with nothing
while Clerk of Chicago gets to go to work wearing an ankle bracelet?
This disregard for downstate’ politicians must end!”
(Pause for applause)
“I know I have
been criticized in the past for proposing programs without also proposing
the means or the resources to carry them out.
Not today! To make sure
that
Illinois
is first in the Nation in providing for its politicians, I ask the General
Assembly to join me in sustaining a concrete program that has proven very
successful in the past and can keep paying real dividends in the future.
Namely, let’s continue stealing two billion a year from our public
employees’ pension funds!”
(Pause for
thunderous applause)
So, governor,
save these few modest proposals, let me compliment you on an objective
speech demonstrating your gentle character, positively delivered.
I was especially taken by the part where, referring to the
legislature, you said “It’s not the people of
Illinois
’s job to bail us out…” I
hope you and your buddies in the General Assembly remember that when you
start figuring out how to pay for the “Blagojevich Vision”.
©
2006 Ralf Seiffe
Ralf
Seiffe advises business start-ups and product launches from Chicago,
Illinois and is a political analyst and columnist for the Illinois Leader
and Illinois Review. |
